


We're All Going On A Broadstairs Summer Holiday

by zellieh



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Animal Transformation, Beaches, Bullying, Crack, Day At The Beach, Friendship, Gen, Holidays, Humor, Ice Cream, Male Friendship, Not Canon Compliant, POV Male Character, POV Third Person, Summer, Summer Vacation, Teenagers, Timeline What Timeline, Vacation, Vomiting, accidental magic, seagulls - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-04-25 11:36:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4959169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zellieh/pseuds/zellieh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leaning on the fence at the edge of the promenade, Harry was squinting in the sun, looking down over Broadstairs' long sandy beach out at the sea, smiling happily.</p><p>-- and ducked a screaming fist --</p><p>-- attached to a screaming Vernon Dursley, oh hell. "Run, Ron!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're All Going On A Broadstairs Summer Holiday

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MistressKat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistressKat/gifts).



> Set in an ambiguous Weasley summer, first or second year. Not canon compliant.
> 
> Short crack fic that started as a drabble gift-fic for Kat, though I'm not sure Kat deserves...this.

Leaning on the fence at the edge of the promenade, Harry was squinting in the sun, looking down over Broadstairs' long sandy beach out at the sea, smiling happily.

Beside him, Ron groaned in joy as he ate a muggle ice-cream with at least four flavours in it plus chocolate sprinkles. "Morelli's, mate, they have to be using magic in there, this is delicious!"

"Nah, Ron, your Dad said it's muggle all the way, remember? He wanted to know what kind of plugs they use in their freezers." Harry shook his head at that; the Weasleys weren't very good at fitting in with muggles. But he appreciated them giving him a daytrip to the beach, when they heard he'd never seen the sea before, and letting him bring enough money for him and Ron to buy an ice-cream each. Harry patted his stomach in satisfaction: Mrs Weasley was still trying to 'feed him up right' and Harry was enjoying every mouthful of it. 

He turned his head -- and ducked a screaming fist --

\-- attached to a screaming Vernon Dursley, oh hell. "Run, Ron!"

Ron ran, and Harry ran with him -- along the promenade, then down the stairs onto the beach. Dudley might follow, but Vernon wasn't that fit, and Petunia hated sand in her sandals: 'you never know where it's been!' she always said; 'Anyone could have walked on it!'

"What the hell are the Dursleys doing on the beach in Broadstairs?!" Ron yelled, panting.

"Hell if I know! I thought they were going to Spain this year!" Harry yelled back, ducking Vernon's sunburnt fist; it seems he'd underestimated Vernon's hatred of him, and now they were stuck in a quieter corner of the beach, with hardly any adults close enough to defend them from three rabid Dursleys. Damn it. Grabbing Ron, he hissed in his ear, "I don't have room for my wand in my swim trunks. You?"

"No." Ron waved at his own pocket-free trunks, eeling away from Dudley's grabbing hands. "Where would I put it?"

Shrilling insults, Petunia kicked Harry's left knee out from under him and he collapsed onto the sand. Smirking, Dudley jumped — Harry covered his head and belly; his magic _snapped_ — and, shrieking, a fat brown seagull landed on him, smelly wings smacking him in the face.

"Oo-er," said Ron, backing up a step.

Shrilling louder, a tall scrawny white and grey gull went for Harry's throat. He lurched upright, Ron pulling him out of pecking range of the two mad-eyed gulls. 

"What did you do, Harry?!"

"I didn't do anything! It was an accident!" The mad-eyed gulls followed, squawking and waving their wings; it was amazing how terrifying they looked, for something only a foot or two high. "I'm just glad they haven't worked out how to fly yet!"

A huge grey and white gull stepped in front of the other two, feathers puffed up and wings raised, pointed a wing at Harry, shrieking, then went for Harry and Ron's ankles.

"Uncle Vernon?" said Ron, dancing backwards.

"And Aunt Petunia," Harry nodded at the tall thin gull.

"Dudley," they both said, looking at the fat brown gull, which had hunkered down and opened it's beak, begging; unsuccessfully trying to look small and starving as he cried for food.

Harried, Gull-Petunia hovered over Gull-Dudley, arched her neck and, looking surprised — vomited into Gull-Dudley's open maw.

"Eurgh," said Ron.

Squawking, the adult Gull-Dursleys recoiled from Gull-Dudley, blinking, their beaks snapping shut.

In the ringing silence after Gull-Vernon's shrieked threats, everyone could hear it when Gull-Dudley tilted his head side-to-side — then clacked his beak closed — and swallowed.

"EURGH!!!" said Ron and Harry, clutching at each other.

Blinking, then blinking again, Gull-Dudley managed, for the first time in his life, to look thoughtful. 

Then he hunkered down, fluffed up his feathers, opened his mouth and started shrilling for food as loud as he could, like a gull-shaped fire alarm going off.

Gull-Petunia backed up, fast.

Gull-Dudley turned to Gull-Vernon, who 'eeped' and tried to hide behind Harry.

"Mate," said Ron, sounding awed as he turned to Harry, wide-eyed, " _that was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen!_ "


End file.
